Dream That Felt So Real...

Ever had a dream that felt so real...?
A dream that made you feel like you don't wanna get up from your sleep
and keep dreaming on...?
A dream... that actually made you really feel...

alive...?

--------------------------------------------

It was just a regular day.

I was preparing to go to work... but then I saw mum...

In an outfit that I haven't seen for quite some times already.

She looks sparkling...

Picture taken at Genting Highland on 1998, this is exactly how she looks like in the dream.

"Mum, where are you going...?"
"I'm fetching dad, you wanna come...?"
... her phone rang before I could say anything, but in my mind "Mum must be drunk again, haiizzz~..."

"Dad will be here today, get dressed well..."
I'm still with my thought that mum is drunk... so I moved on to my car, almost departing for work.
Until the sky turned cloudy and dark at instance.

As far as I loved rain, it was my first time fearing the dark sky.

It turned too swiftly...

So I got out from the car, running back into the house.

"Dad is here, son..."
"Mum, are you alright...? You're creeping me out. Just how many glasses did you drank last night that you're behaving like this..?!"

Mum walks out, approaching a taxi that parked around 20 meters away from our house.

I couldn't see clearly, but my curiousity drives me outside.

As a man stepped out from that taxi, a thunder struck the road just in from of my eyes..!
I couldn't believe what I saw..!
I shouted "MUM! GET BACK HERE! IT'S DANGEROUS...!"

Heavy rain dropped as heavily that it hurt the skin upon impact.
Exaggerated much, eh...?
... but that exactly how it feels like..!

Not a real picture, but best describes the situation.

Worrying that I might get struck by the lightning, I ran in.
Soaked... cold...

Lightning kept on striking the road, it made the whole earth shaking.

I'm worry about mum.

--------------------------------------------

A few moment later, mum came back with a smile on her face.
She's terribly soaked even her make up worn off her faces.

"Son, dad is here... say hi..."

A man... stood tall...

A height that was once very familiar...

The scent...

The clothes...
... and surprisingly, he's not wet at all...!

Approached me...
I can't really tell, but I can't see his eyes because he's still with his dark shades.

... but damn...

It's just.... too familiar.... too similar to the one I used to be with...

Dad in 1998, fine looking old man, huh...?

I still can't believe my eyes...
"It's dad, son..."
A huge loud thunder strikes again just after mum said that.
It's like it is forbidden for dad to be here...
Forbidden... to be resurrected...?
It is God's power, I don't know...
I can't really tell...

... but my instinct told me that, it IS my dad...

I walked towards him slowly.
Realizing that maybe his time is short, I ran onto him...
Hugging him...
Yes...
These arms... this height... this feeling...

these... heartbeats...
IT IS DAD, HE'S BACK...!

".. pa...?" I asked...
Maybe the rain was too loud, he couldn't catch it.
"Huh...?" he asked...
I looked up...
... then I shouted...
"PAAAAAA~...!"
He laughed and says "Ohhh~, pa..."
I don't know, but I think dad is here but with his memory a bit lost...
I don't think he remembered me well.

The very moment when I hugged him, a lot of things went through my mind.
"Dad, I'm gonna bring you to my workplace... I'm gonna bring you for a tour in Bintulu to see how developed it is now... I wanna let you see how I drives... I wanna let you see my girl... and most of all, I wanna take a lot a lot a lot of pictures with you..."

Just before I wanted to say those things out, my alarm rang...
MY SCUMBAG ALARM RANG...!
I woke up with tears...
"Dad..."
...
"I missed you a lot..."

-----------------------------------------

Dear God...

If the dream means anything, do tell me what it is...
I'm clueless...
Out of all the dreams I had about him, this one is too realistic...
...
God...
Is it possible...?
For Thy to bring him back to me...?
-------------------------------------------
Dad...
Wherever you are right now...
You know how I feel right now the most...
You've seen it by yourself...
I missed you a lot, dad...
Did I grow up according to plan...?
I grew up, dad...
I grew up...
----------------------------------------
Bless us...

Watch over us...
We miss you...

Dad's last hug with mum on 2006

Dad's last hug with me on 2006

Our last dinner together on 2006

In loving memories... 2007

Dad, this is for you...
Look at me...
I'm growing well, didn't I...?

1993

1995

1998

26/4/2014

Thanks for those who read this lame entry of mine.
I'm keeping it here so I won't forget about it...

p/s: Soundtrack used "Perfect" by Simple Plan (Piano)

Just Let It Be...

...
"what are words if you really don't mean them when you say them...?"
"what are words if they're only for good time then they're done...?"

Did you know...
Some people tend to be very serious

no matter how crappy a word can be...?

... some words, they hide their own messages

only a really special person may know...

Some people...
They put hope and faith in some words

that came out from a person's mouth...

A person who they rely on

for comfort and happiness...

...

but what are those if they're just words..?

Without any sincerity...
Without any honesty...

------------------------------------------------

When you found that someone...
Don't use words

with the thought that it'll keep things forever.
Things change as time flies...

There's no such thing as "forever"...
What started always have their own endings,

it's either a happy one, or a sad one...

Instead...

Prove them out with action

with a lil bit of sincerity and honesty...

No matter how small or crappy thing is,

it'll mean a lot...

To that someone...

------------------------------------------------

...

as thing comes to an end...

disappointment is an essential

no one could ever resist...

but just let it be...

Things which meant to be ours, it'll come back...

Things which are not meant to, will go...

...

and when you're waiting for something,

be patient...

When the time is right, it'll come eventually...

It's just a test...

A test that'll teach us...

On how to be a better person...

To know what is right to do and what is wrong..

To be a grown up...!

Just let it be...

Patience is a virtue...

Move on...
Cherish life...

(bear in mind, this is just a saying... I'm not pointing on anyone anyhow. It's just a thought I get for what had happened recently, there's nothing to do with anyone both in real life or the virtual...)

thanks for the time reading
^__^

Happiness I Saw...

...

there's a time when I think

I'm actually a cool guy who look calm in everything I do...
everything I feel...

everything I saw...

...

but what happened recently

made me realized...
I'm still just a kid...

with childish mindset, got jealous of "something" which not even meant to be mine...

I mean,

why would I put such high expectation and hope

at the first place..?
I just don't get it...

All I get is just pain...

-------------------------------------------

...

but there's one thing I'm highly satisfied of...

when I saw happiness

not mine

but on the faces of other people around me...

Even it feels like I'm actually stabbing myself...

but it actually worth the pain

coz I feel their happiness...

I don't mind losing...

-------------------------------------------

Something happened...

Something I never thought would happen

after all those shits I've done...

after all those time and effort I've sacrificed...

but yeah,

as long as there's happiness in them...

It's worth it...

-------------------------------------------

I don't take anyone's happiness away...

Even it kills me,
I'll keep on enduring...

-------------------------------------------

16 October 2013

Thanks to these people...
Audrey, Chris, Kang, John, Shiong, Allan

for brightening up the day for me.

To be honest,
I am really really really happy to know you guys...
Too bad, few weeks left and we'll part from each other...
Just why didn't we knew each other earlier..?

I'll see you guys, no matter how far you are, I'll drive my ass there to find you guys!
I promise I will...!
Coz on these faces, I found my own happiness...

=')

Kang Potter with the hilarious spec he bought ^_^

They're cute in their own ways...

Can't swim, no problem! We do it crab style... =P (sorry, I dunno the name of this fella on the left >_< forgive me)

Humbled myself in the middle of good looking friends... =D

The sum up of the day, priceless smiles on their faces which granted me happiness...

There's always next time guys...
Let us create the happiness, our ways...
^__^

Thanks to:
Sharon, Gibbson, Diana, Liza, Edwin and some other new friends I just knew as well for all the moral supports given after what had happened recently...

(sorry, my bad not knowing you guys earlier, should have put your names here as well as a sign of my appreciation)
Thank you, people!

Lot of Things Happened Recently...

Hey ya, guys...

It's been awhile, huh? Way too busy recently.
Anyway,
my blog has achieved 900 views!
Thanks a lot for the viewing, guys... I really appreciate it... =')

Huu~... yeah, a lot a lot of things happened recently..
Some of them really made me happy, but some of them........... I might have committed suicide if I'm not strong enough to overcome it.
Still, I stood still and try to move on as I should...!

What "things" happened...?
Well, I'm not sure if sharing it here is a correct thing to do... but really, keeping it alone really hurts me even more...

Have you guys ever encountered any complicated family crisis...?
Yeah, a really complicated one...
Well, let's just move on to my stories...

...

"It's okay, let's just drink... my children will look for me if I'm drunk..."
How would you feel when your own mother said so to her friends...?
Yeah, at first I was like, "Oh well, whatever..." but then, "No, this isn't rite... Something is not rite..."
I dunno but somehow I felt so uncomfortable with it.
I'm just too worried about her, I don't want her to be this way... There should be another way to overcome stressful situations instead of consuming alcohols...
Oh, by the way, stressful situations...???
Why didn't she find us for solutions or helps then...? Does her friends really help her by that way...?

Mum, you're not young anymore... Please stop doing this...
Dad wouldn't be happy to see this if he's still here, but still he's watching over us from afar.
How could you not aware of that...?
I'm just worried bout your health...
At your age, you should just stay at home and rest... Plant some flowers and breed some pets instead. Isn't that even relaxing...?
It's not that I'm forbidding you to drink but you'll over thinking after you get drunk, and you even drive.
How could I not worried..?
Think about it, mum...

Please, someone, if I died young and if you knew my mum, please tell her this...
I LOVE HER...I really wish that you could change, mum... I'll pray for it...

...

"Please, fetch me to work, do that do this... bla.. bla.. bla.. Don't count on mum, she's useless and hopeless..."
Yeah, this 1 is a story of another bastard in my family that really breaks my heart to even think about it...
When I listened to this every freakin' time I fetch my bro,
I was like,
"If you know our mum is that kinda person, why count on her then...??!
Look at yourself, you're freakin' 30 years old and you even got 3 children, why can't you think by your own brain...?? You should be able to think better than me, I'm just a 20 years old amateur..!"

Dear brother... you're fortunate to still be able to walk on your own feet, why can't you find your own way of living then...? Why can't you take eldest brother as your example...? Look at him now, he lived happily with his family without even troubling us. Look at sis, she got a caring husband, she lived by herself without troubling mum too... but why the hell can't you then...??!!!

Did you know, because of you, I'm the one that suffered the most...!
I have to comfort mum with my own way, you know it yourself that I'm not a good talker...
I have to tell stepdad that mum will be alrite and stop worrying bout her...
Worse thing is, I'm working part time, bro..
Do you know how hard it is to work for free in the daylight and work hardly at nite for just RM15-RM20...?
I worked so I won't trouble mum for my car fuel and my daily expenses..
Why can't you see that...???
Get a life, man...!

Huu~...
Please, dear family... This is not what I'm expecting of...
Why can't we be as happy as other family does...?
Healthy and cheerful...
Is that impossible for you guys...???

Please, please get a better life...
I beg you guys...!

Waiting + Sick = SUCKS!!!

Hey, guys... Whaddup...?
(low tone)
Well, not feeling well these few days... It's too hot here in Bintulu, no rain at all.
(there's once few days ago though, but it's just TOO SHORT~!!!)

Yeah, it almost the end of June. See how fast the time past...
Gonna have my educational practical this coming July, just can't wait for it...
Went to the site for several times before and get to know the workers there pretty well, thanks to my buddy, Allan Law, for bringing me there... =)
I have a good feeling about working with them soon.
(hwaiting...!)

This is where I'll be having my practical soon, BBC Construction Sdn. Bhd. Bintulu.


Hopefully I'll be doing well and ace it...! Really need to maintain my pointer grade, hopefully this will help me...

Well, I've been "yelling" for few days as you can see on Facebook and Twitter.
Why....?
I have a bad habit, when I wanted something, I'll want it real bad and quick.
... and that's what happening now, I've been waiting for like two months to buy a new cellphone.
(I've broke mine and I really need a new one badly...)
Yeah, I know it sounds childish but that's the way I am...
2 months of waiting really testing my patience to the max...!!!
Shitss~...


Just because of THIS!!!!!!!! I got sicked for like 3 days already, frequent headache for thinking too much, fever, flu, ALL-IN-ONE SICKNESS and it SUCKS!!!!!!
Damn~... hopefully I'll get better and happier once I got YOU!!!
You're just a smartphone, why can't I just be more patient...?
Haiz~...
T^T

Money, do come in quickly, okay...?
I promise after buying this phone, I'll save you for proper future use, alrite...? Huhu...


Can't take a bath after nap, too cold and I'm still suffering fever...
Just the tired looking me, just washed my face...
(I'm getting thinner, huu~...)
Donate me some fats, please...?
I'll appreciate it...

Friends in Bintulu:
Take care, guys... It's been so hot for the past few weeks. Drink more water and try not to get sick, alrite...? It's uncool to get sick like me...
Seriously UNCOOL!!!
See you guys real soon, chiaaw~~...!!!

A Visit To My Old School...

Hey, guys...!
Happy Dragon Boat Festival...!

端午节快乐...!
\ ^__^ /
All Chinese are eating ba chang by now, I know... Do enjoy it, alrite guys...?
If there's any leftover, you know who to find...
>,<
HAHA~...!

It's a special day today, it's not only the festival, but for all students of
Sekolah Menengah Kebangsaan Bandar Bintulu,
it's the school's 30th Anniversary...!
(applause...)
Wuhuu~~~...

As 1 of the ex-student, visiting the school is a must to see all the teachers that had taught me to be a better person...
(even I know I'm not that good...)
Oh, I really missed them a lot... Especially Cikgu Chang, my "father" of the school...
I couldn't manage to take a picture with him as he's too busy, damn there's a lot of people there just now...
(too bad... He never changed even after 2 years...)
Goodluck, Cikgu Chang, keep up your hardship and be the best teacher there...! You've changed me, I know you can change the others too... =')

Well, enough with the intro...
I went there with Nick, my besty...!
Met him in the hall and we talked a lot while people are speeching in front, just like the old days, we never pay any attention at all...
>,<
Bahahahaha~...

As it went a lil bit too bored, I asked Nick for a walk around the school compound for some picture shootings. So we sneaked out, sorry speecher, haha.
The atmosphere there, hmph~, how am I gonna describe it...?
It's just priceless to be "home" again after 2 years of graduation.

So here are the pictures I took...
Enjoy~...
Part 1: The school compound...


The bonzai wannabe tree... Nick named it that way and I LOL-ed, it's cute in some ways though, hehe.


The school cafeteria where the evening session students sit while waiting for the session shift. Trust me, I never sat here and eat before. It's freakin' awkward~...
>,<


Blok Daisi. My class is at the top floor, yeah, it's pretty challenging to climb the stairs every morning back then...
=3=


Blok Daisi from the other side. Used to walk around a lot to distribute stuffs from class to class and that's how I get "famous" in the school...
HAHA.


My class when I was in Form 2, if I'm not mistaken with Form 1... =/ it's been awhile, I can barely remember it, but I know I was here before... Untidy as usual, hehe.


The male esplanade and the counselling room where I used to be, helping teachers, not getting counselled, haha.


"Makcik, minta sos lebih..." "Bang, refill sos, bang!" Haha, that's what we used to shout here before. Yeap, it's the school canteen. Looking loose, huh...? It's the busiest place during recess, haha.


The best view of the school can be seen on the top floor of Blok A, yeap, this is it... The garden of the school at the middle of Blok A and Blok B.


... and finally, this is the place I used to hang out before. It's the most windy spot of the school. This, was the most memorable place for me, yeah, this place...

Part 2: Me and some of my juniors...

I'm not good in taking picture alone, I don't have any idea to pose and this what happened, I looked so awkward... =__='''


Used to be in this class, used to sit in this place... Gosh~, I've grown up a lot...
T^T
I started to miss my old school life...


He used to be shorter before, but look at him now, he's even taller than me...
T^T
Tang Chii Haw, a good junior and a good friend of mine too...
Goodluck for your SPM, buddy... I know you can do it... =)


... and this one... Only God know how much I miss this boy and his family. I never thought I'll have the chance to see him today but here I am, standing beside him...
=')
He's just like my lil brother and if chances were given, I'm willing to do anything for him...
Thank God for letting me to see him today, it's his final year in this school too, I'm not sure when will I have the chance to meet him again...
Be strong, boy... Real life awaits you out there...
If you need anything, I'm here for you.
(I really hope you're able to read this...)

Part 3: Spot the differences...


Me and Nick in 2007...


Me and Nick today, 2012...

Hope this friendship will last forever, he's a good friend...
=')

So that's it... I thank you, God, for today...
It's really priceless for me...
SMKBB, will be back again soon...! Keep up your good reputation as 1 of the best school in Bintulu!!!

Dad, If Only You're Still Around...

Bapa. Ayah. Pak. Papa.

Daddy. Dad. Father. Pop. Poppa.

Abak. Apai.

爸爸. 老子. 阿爸. 老豆.

Otousan. Oya-ji.

Abeoji.

Whatever we call them, yes, there they are.

A man, who raised us since we're borned in this magnificent world...

Father's out there,

HAPPY FATHER'S DAY

to all of you...

MY STORY

Dad, in case there's super cool internet connection up there, I hope this post is readable for you...

It's been 5 years since you left me and mum, dad.

We missed you a lot, and I know you do too...

How are you doing now...?

I hope everything's fine and I hope you're doing well too.

NO MORE SMOKING, alrite...?

Dad, I know you've seen a lot of what your child (me) have been doing for the past 5 years.

I admit it, dad. I wasn't a very good child...

I've done a lot of bad things, you know what they are yourself rite, dad...?

You saw it..

Well, I admit it, that's me..

I can't help it, you saw the world for yourself, rite...?

Even me myself affected and I just can't do anything about it, just to pray so that I won't get off way too
far from the limit.

No matter how bad I've became now, dad...
I promise you I'll keep the responsibility of taking good care of mum.
I promise I'll study hard too.
I assure you, dad...!
I know that's what you want, bringing happiness to mum.
Yes, I'll do it for you, SIR!!!

If only you're still around, dad. I'll show you how good am I in driving now...
I've been watching your driving skills quietly since young and now I'm even better than you!
HAHA.

If only you're still around, dad. I'm sure I'll be able to put my arm around your shoulder now.
You're just too tall before, but now I've grown taller and taller and I think I'm in your height now.
HAHA.

If only you're still around, dad. I'll show you my final examination results for the past three semesters.
It's not that good though but at least it can make you proud, and of course I'll do better to make you
prouder after this!
Mark my words...

If only you're still around, dad. I'll show you that I can swim now. I was like a pussy when I was young
but not anymore, dad.
You can see for yourself, rite?
HAHA.

If only you're still around, dad... If only.........
There's just too many things for me to show you, dad... Way too many of them...
Just why on Earth are you leaving us so early...?

Oh hey, old man!You've missed a lot of football games, man~...
World cup has past and it's EURO 2012 now...!
You jealous, old man...?
>,<
HAHA.

Neyh, I know you don't... I know there's a bigger 3D plasma tv up there with you, rite...?
Haha.
... but if only you're still around, I'll accompany you to watch no matter how late the match is, dad...
I regret I didn't watch football with you before, but now, football means nothing for me and I dislike
football...

Well, dad... if only we got chance to meet each other even just for a day, dad...
I really wanted to talk a lot with you...

For now, this is the only thing I can do, dad.
Blogging and telling the world how much I missed you and love you...
Yeah, dad... I never had the chance to tell you before, but dad.........
I REALLY LOVE YOU...!

Dad, you ever heard me singing "You Raise Me Up" on stage during Teacher's Day 3 years ago, rite?
It's not just dedicated to the teachers, dad.... It's dedicated for you as well coz you are my first teacher...
If only you're still around, I promise I'll sing the best version of it for you...
Westlife? Josh Groban?
They're history...
HAHA.
>,<

Well, dad.. That's all I guess... I hope you can read this and be happy no matter where you are rite now..
Do take good care of yourself, alrite dad...?
Remember, no more smoking...!
Happy Father's Dad, lao dou...

Some pictures of him:

This was taken at a hotel at KL when I was in Primary 3...
He's tall, rite...?


I wasn't even borned when this one was taken... Gosh~, he look so young...


This was taken by me at a random kopitiam, I still remember the reason we're here, it's because it rained heavily that time so we decided to eat while waiting for the rain to stop...


Aww~, shy lil mum... Haha. Well, sadly, this is the last picture they took together...
='(


... and there they are, the son and the father... I know, he's better looking... but damn I look young in this one, haha.
>,<

Hey, old man... I still can't accept it when they say you're better looking when we went out together before, haha... XD
Love you now and forever, dad...